Menopause is no laughing matter. Unless you happen to be watching attorney Alexis Davis and her best friend, Diane Miller, examine the change and all its symptoms. Hot-shot attorney Alexis has tackled some tough clients through the years. Now, it seems she's out to conquer menopause, one laugh at a time.

"Me no pause" Diane proudly declared, encouraging a depressed Alexis to embrace this empowering change occurring in her life and stop nothing. For chronically randy Diane, it's an excuse to have sex without the worry of birth control. For Alexis, it's mood swings, hot flashes, and emotional outbursts.

I love that GH is tackling this storyline. I know it's not as sexy as Johnny's downward spiral or as emotional as Robin's illness -- I'll get to those in a minute -- but menopause is a real-life women's issue we all face, despite our gender. If you don't believe me, just ask any husbands, children, or partners of those who have gone through menopause. I remember my mother opening every window in our house in the cold of winter to try to get some relief from the flashes. (I learned to put on a jacket.) This change affects everyone in a household, and I applaud GH for telling this story.

Choosing comedy duo Alexis and Diane for this tale puts a smile on my face. Their conversations gave me plenty of lines for the Best Lines of the Week section. It also showcases two very opposite reactions to menopause. Diane, the optimist, who believes menopause doesn't mean the end of anything, while Alexis struggles with the realization that she's not in her 30s anymore and, as she put it, is one step closer to death. Bring on the laughs, ladies.

I'm not a hater. Really. I'm not. But there are just too many people on my screen lately that make me want to reach for the fast-forward button. I don't care what Kate's secret is. The same goes for Steve. I don't care what Shawn is cooking up at Kelly's, or if T.J. can read, or if the Lady in White will discover earth tones for her wardrobe. And I really don't care to hear holier-than-thou Olivia dispense any more of her advice, oops, I mean lectures, to the good citizens of Port Charles, or that she keeps getting dizzy every time she's around exhaust fumes.

I think I'm having one of Alexis' hot emotional rants. Quick, someone open a window.

News of General Hospital alumni returning soon is coming in daily, and I can't wait to see some old familiar faces. Our show needs a pick-me-up, Scoopers, and fast. I'm thrilled at some of the returns, and I hope you will be, too.

What I do love is that we've returned to the Friday cliffhanger, and we've had several really good episodes lately. The January 28 episode was outstanding, and just as I was pulled into the Johnny/Carly kiss, the show ended. That's great writing!

Johnny's story arc is one tale that has me mesmerized. You all know I think Brandon Barash is incredible and has chemistry with everyone from Carly to Sonny. Watching him in misery, dealing with his anger and confusion over his parentage, has been a joy for this soap fan. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but he and Carly are hot. I've never been a big fan of Carly, since the day she hit town, destroying her mother's marriage and A.J. Quartermaine. (And don't get me started on her time with Jax.) But she sure sizzles with Johnny. Although, it's a little creepy, considering he used to date Lulu and Olivia. How old is this guy, exactly?

Johnny's age really has me stumped. I thought he was in his 20s, but perhaps he's closer to Carly's age? Apparently math isn't my subject, because according to my calculations, Claudia would have had to get pregnant when she was nine, if he really is her son. Maybe I should just chalk it up to soap opera math and let it go.

Speaking of math, can I give Mac Scorpio a 10 for the gun show this week? Wow. That man is still fine after all these years. His arms are beautiful, and I love the new haircut! It's been more than a decade, I think, since we've since Mac in his undies. (Boxer briefs for those of you who still care.) He's still got it. If that scene couldn't get Alexis interested, I fear this potential coupling has no hope. I'm almost rooting for Diane to show Alexis what she's missing.

Mac has had some fantastic scenes lately, but what a huge fail it was to have Mac find out about Robin's illness at a hospital nurses' desk. Did he overhear her talking to Patrick, or were we supposed to think he just found out off-screen? I'm still not sure. It was horrible editing, and Mac and Robin deserved a scene to discuss Robin's illness, worthy of what they had on the bridge recently.

Carly seems to have dropped all interest in Shawn. Maybe she's as bored with him as I am. And I'm sure glad she fought so hard for custody of her daughter, since she spends so much time with her. I kid, Scoopers. I know she can't exactly have Joss with her when she's macking on Johnny and threatening Sonny.

We finally got some answers about Jason's strange behavior. It's swelling of the brain. Whew. That's a relief. I was nervous he was going to have some kind of split personality or something and turn out to be the guy attacking women in alleys.

Who do you think the attacker is, Scoopers? Mayor Floyd was my guess, but Ronnie sure does seem to have a lot of anger issues. Or maybe it's Delores' husband, whom we've never met. (Yes, it seems odd to me too that he didn't show up at the bar.) The attacker seems to have broadened his scope this week, when he went after policewoman Delores, instead of another stripper.

Bravo to Lulu for realizing that she could be heading down a dangerous path to alcoholism. Maxie and Olivia were quick to point out what they saw happening. I loved Lulu's talk with her detached father. I think we can all agree that Luke is never going to win a Father of the Year award. I just want to throttle him when he is so cold toward his clearly hurting daughter.

I also don't get why Luke didn't stop Tracy's wedding. My theory was that he and Tracy aren't really divorced and that he knew that. But maybe not. Why he would let this farce continue is a conundrum? He sees how much pain it's causing Tracy. Please, Luke, get it together and help rescue Tracy from that short mobster.

Anyone want to take bets on Kate's secret? I'm not vested in this storyline, so I haven't paid too close attention. I don't think it's really a shrink she's seeing though. Sonny is so scary when he comes off as a stalker. That man's temper is intimidating. Let's hope Kate isn't lying, or Sonny could really go off and break some barware.

Kudos this week to Dante for asking Sonny to leave the mob. That's all Dante wants for a wedding present, he claimed, not a hospital wing named in his honor. Don't hold your breath, Dante. If Michael getting shot and sent to prison wasn't enough to make Sonny quit the mob, I don't think anything will do it. Speaking of Michael's prison sentence, why wasn't Sonny going after Franco for setting up Michael's rape? It seems very strange to me that Sonny didn't bring down that temper on Franco. Sonny seemed so removed from Michael's prison storyline that it's odd. Are they trying to distance Sonny and Michael?

Finally, I was cheering in my living room when Michael gave Edward that stock tip this week. Oh please, let this kid be heading down a path away from the mob. I don't care that it's unrealistic that Edward and Tracy, two seasoned business people, are taking business advice from him. It gets Michael in the ELQ building, and that is a win.

I should just have put the whole Diane and Alexis conversation here, but these are the lines that made me laugh.

(Diane tells Alexis that menopause isn't so dire.)
Diane: "You don't need to stop anything."
Alexis: "Yeah, I do. I need to stop sweating."
(Later, Alexis explains that she and Mac are just friends.)
Alexis: "He's nice. He's safe. He's solid. He's someone I could have coffee with."
Diane: (Laughing and checking out Mac) " When I think of all the other things you could be doing with him."
(Later)
Alexis: "Do you know what it's like to wake up every single morning at 3 o'clock and not be able to go back to sleep?"
Diane: "Alone? No."
Alexis: "That's why you're so damn cheerful."

(Diane tells Alexis that menopause is a gift because it allows her to be with a man sexually without the fear of pregnancy, especially important with Sonny, who is known for impregnating many women.)
Diane: "This frees you up to sleep with Sonny again."
Alexis: "Are you on crack?"
Diane: "Even the mighty warriors of Sonny Corinthos cannot impregnate you."
Alexis: "Yeah, they probably could."
Diane: "Actually, they probably could. You're right."

Sonny's cruel revelation to Johnny that Claudia was his mother spurred an influx of angry emails. I don't think I've seen people this ticked off at Sonny since he rigged that car bomb in Johnny's car.

• It's official: I can't STAND Sonny Corinthos. After all these years of rooting for him, I'm done. I can't believe that the writers spent so much time and effort giving him a chance to reconcile with his past and make peace with the abused "child within" only to have him become more ruthless, remorseless, and self-serving than ever before. ----Donna Lubrano

• I hate that GH misused Jax but I loved his scenes with Michael! On another note, I am sick of this being the Sonny Corinthos show! Sonny is a sick, twisted jerk most of the time. Claudia was basically pimped out as a kid and by her father of all people. Sonny would murder anyone who ever tried anything like that with Kristina. But Sonny felt the need to just rub it in Johnny's face. My heart literally broke for Johnny as you could see him start to think it might have been true. And when he found out his entire life was a lie, I cried right along with him. Brandon Barash is a wonderful actor and he always manages to make me love Johnny no matter what! I just hope the writers don't sacrifice him on the "altar of Carly" like they have done with so many other GH men. ---- Kristy

• I haven't watched GH in awhile, started again last week, and I am remembering why I stopped--too much mob garbage. Sonny is bully, and I can't stand the character. So you GH fans should be happy some OLTL characters are coming on board. Stop complaining because maybe we OLTL fans will help your show not go the way of ours. --- Rac

My less-than-enthusiastic reaction to the OLTL cast joining GH got many of you talking.

• I understand the issue GH fans may have with the OLTL characters coming to GH but I think they should keep an open mind. ABC has a long history of crossovers between soaps and even during its darkest storylines, OLTL always managed to keep a balance between the light and dark that you can't argue GH needs right now. When the mob (Sonny) became the focus of GH, the character driven storylines were tossed aside for violence and sex. Anything that keeps the mob as a part of Port Charles, rather than the driving force of ALL storylines is more than OK with me. --- Denise

• I've watch One Life since day one and I think maybe the new characters will be a good thing. GH has lost a lot of key players lately. The gang from OLTL are some the best and hopefully will bring a lot to the GH table, hopefully a rating upswing. --- Rita

• I just wanted to comment on the OLTL people coming to GH. My comments are that the exec producer and head writer from OLTL will try their best to save GH. It is obvious that ABC wants to cancel their daytime soaps and I believe if GH is going to be spared, these two guys are the ones to pull it off. They need a little time to get to know the GH characters. About OLTL characters coming to GH, I am not for this, as I, like you, would rather them focus on GH actors that see little air time, but if this try out will bring more viewers to GH, I am all for it. My hope is the OLTL characters come in for a limited run and the GH fans don't tune out. It's a gamble that I hope pays off. I've mourned OLTL and those characters twice already. Seeing them for a brief time will be nice, but it needs to be brief. --- Judy

• I think it is a crime that because OLTL was cancelled their cast members are being dumped (my word not theirs) into the cast of GH. Considering that many favorites that have been given a pink slip could have been written back into Port Charles instead of starting new stories. I would imagine that the regulars on GH must be angry over this. --- Linda

• I was just reading comments from the loyal GH fans who were upset by the "invasion" of characters from OLTL. I would think that all daytime fans should ban together and welcome new writers, new characters, cross-over characters, massive character kill-offs, new viewers, anything that it might take to breathe new life into these dramas. We should all be watching B&B, Y&R, Days, GH regardless....keep the genre alive. Personally, I haven't nor will I tune into ABC and CBS during the time blocks that used to be the home to soaps. I watch cable or even watch Australian soaps. I know I won't change things with my little response, but if we all tuned out.....maybe, just maybe, they will figure out how to make money on daytime dramas and bring soaps back, who knows? ----Lisa

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